When there’s no one else to talk to, not even a self to convince..
It’s difficult to acknowledge feelings of helplessness, of longing of something I never dared to speak of to anyone. Something that I would love to also be in, to have, and be a significant part of. I’m not anywhere near that as of the moment.
It’s just that the desire is here right now, confronting me straight in the face. I am the most coward and stubborn person I know, definitely not a great combination. So what of these aspirations and dreams if I don’t even have the guts to chase after them literally or acknowledge it with anyone.
And it’s pathetic how I seem to be so desperate trying to assume of it with just about anybody I encounter as long as they’ve shown a lil bit of compassion.. but that longing I keep to myself, a struggle I wiggle myself out of each time, knocking some sense into the misconstrued exchanges, actions and of notions that maybe it isn’t just me who feels this. But then again no. Or I don’t know. I’ve never had the guts to do anything at all really. I save myself the humiliation. I can’t let my guard down.
So there. This sucks. I know.