They say one of the most stressful experience(s) in ones’ life is moving..
So I’m taking it one item at a time, one box at a time..
And I remind myself to take a deep breath every once in awhile and to keep calm.
Keep calm.. breathe. I can do this.
We often struggle with negative emotions for the world seem to have an everlasting supply of things and situations that spark hate, jealousy, mistrust, denial, anger and so on but what gets me through them personally are the uplifting positive books I’m able to read and reflect upon, the people who no matter what life throw at them manage to carry themselves graciously still, the inspirational stories that I happen to stumble upon at the right time, reflections through heartfelt prayers, reminders to always find something to be grateful for in life for there is always something good and to see the glass half full, and of course my natural uncanning ability to find humor in the simplest of things. I laugh at corniest of jokes, even those that I don’t get simply because I don’t get them. lol
I tend to mumble some of the agonies away in this blog as some sort of outlet/ release. I cannot always be jolly.. but who does anyway. They say some of those who appear to be happy or funny all the time with a crowd are the ones who are silently breaking inside when no one else is watching.. I seem to understand how that’s like. It’s a tedious task to make yourself appear that you got it all together when you are slowly falling apart. So we waste away with habits that mask/ distract us from the actual pain and try to be better by doing some of the things I just mentioned above. It’s a cycle hopefully one I get to have some sort of balance in the days and years to come.
Oh life. Full of its beautiful contradictions. And it’s up to us to create the meaning, purpose, and reason to enjoy the ride.
It was a rainy day today, quite surprising because of all days it had to be today. It doesn’t really rain that much where I am although I’ve always considered rain as a blessing so I took it as a positive sign that I should really pursue what I’ve planned to do for this day, been mulling over it for weeks now and finally the day has come.
So without thinking much further about it I went ahead and took a shower, prepared the things I needed to bring, dressed up, walked out of the apartment I’m staying in, and rode the metro to my destination, with only a few hours of window time left. Hate to admit that I tend to be a buzzer beater at times, there’s a certain kind of adrenaline rush in doing some things at the last minute add to that the time it took for me to fight the urge to overanalyze. Rationalizing over things can somehow delay the series of action I have to take to actually do what I consider doing and it might give me a reason to take a much closer look of the pros and mostly cons and then end up not doing anything at all. lol. So I told myself, might as well go try and get it over with rather than wonder for days on end about a missed opportunity. It’s just like the time when I decided to go skydiving, I just went ahead and did it. I jumped, screamed my lungs out and survived (all as planned). Of course a certain amount of planning is needed but overthinking, that’s another story.
So yea, I’m hoping for the best. All in God’s time. The wheels may have just started turning. 🙂 So I made this post, just to remember that I did something today. Who knows it might be ‘it’.
Give it your best effort just like any other day not only with the few people you prefer but also with the people that are there with you right now. No matter who is present, at any given day, give them your optimum authentic self.
Be genuine and be kind. Not everyday is a sunny day but you can manage to have fun even during the rainy days. There is beauty in every aspect, it is the most subjective word ever made, find your kind of beautiful and take pleasure that you’re able to see and appreciate that. What positivity and demeanor you radiate will propagate and you’ll end up having a better day than you imagined, with anyone and anywhere for that matter.
What about you tell me what’s going on in your head..
Tell me your thoughts, what you love to do most in this world,
Tell me your dreams, your fears..
And the time when you laughed the most and the last time you cried till you fell asleep.
Tell me things nobody else knows, your darkest secrets and your heart’s most selfish desire
Tell me what you tell yourself when you stare back at your reflection in the mirror
Tell me how you keep it all together, tell me how you fall apart
Tell me how you face the world armed with a smile that’s uniquely only yours to give
Tell me the fondest memories of your childhood and your life’s many treasured milestones
Tell me your embarrassing moments, times you’d rather hide from underneath the sheets
Tell me about the people you care about
Tell me lessons you know to be true
Tell me your thoughts on love, faith, happiness, peace, equality… or global warming even
I would like to know
So if you could try
Just tell me
And know that you can take as long as you like.
Whenever you’re ready.
The rules of attraction are complicated..
Honestly I don’t even know how it works.
I seem to like some people in certain different ways and oddly not like “like” them in a way that I think I should but then, they do or say some things that would catch my attention and then maybe just maybe.. but then again maybe not.
How would you know exactly when you’re not even sure yourself?
When out of nowhere, while having absolutely no intention of looking, some do stand out from the crowd and I can’t help but notice their every move without actually watching..there’s this certain kind of feeling, it’s like your senses are heightened when they’re around and you feel a certain kind of vibe that they “might” feel the same coz they pay attention or they may just be being friendly and nice. So what on Earth does that mean?
It may be that my imagination is running wild and well ahead of me or my quite unsure self is once again putting meaning into irrational things. I really don’t know or wouldn’t know unless they tell me directly, I guess, coz I wouldn’t dare make the first move. I find faults and rationalize why it shouldn’t be so just to justify the attraction as mistaken ambiguous laps of judgement. Sure I can keep admiring them from a distance and wonder til my brain bleed then I would get over it as I usually eventually do. It can get tiring.
I use plural form for I’ve had several instances of these mental conundrums with different people.
It’s like taking a step forward and then 2 steps back.
Why must they be so puzzling?
People are complicated.
As I’m sipping my cup of coffee, my maintenance caffeine fix, I can’t help but wonder the many possibilities that is all around the world… how vast and abundant. What I need to figure out now is how to access them.. can’t really get to it without following the steps, filling out forms, ticking out boxes of required documents, paying the fees and so on and so forth, and then not forgetting one major part of the whole process, which involves tantamount of waiting. Add to that, faith and positive thinking. The thought of it all in general can be overwhelming.. but as long as you don’t do anything, you remain exactly where you are. Fear is not the enemy, it’s inaction. It’s when you allow fear to paralyze you completely and you end up stuck wishing if you only had the guts to get a move on in life, things would’ve been different.
But it’s never too late to take the hardest step, which they say is usually the first one. The whole thing won’t be easy, anticipate setbacks but the journey will be worth it.. you’ll see. 🙂
You got this.